Ramrashi
My family constellation (Thursday, 29th May ''father's day'')
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| Ramarshi offered a free day, his friend and lover Ma Ajasta too, to go together with Ma Anand Anupamo into my family history - grandparents, parents, my life and this of my daughter. From Sw. Ramarshi's and Ma Adjusta's beautiful living room you have a fantastic view over the lake Bodensee. Just entering the room with a table and a couch, big Bhagwan picture at the wall, my eyes are kept by a big travelling sack beside the couch. |
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| As we started the constellation after breakfast Ramarshi opened this sack. Astonished I noticed inside about 20 pairs of fancy shoes: shoes from children, women and men, in black, brown, red leather, plastic or from textiles materials. First I picked shoes to represent my mother and father, then for myself as their kid. I have chosen the most little ones for myself. |
| For my grandparents I took shoes of old fashioned leather style. I remember from these proud ancestors, who walked through their life with dignity, honesty, sincerity. My father had a wife before my Mom, who died early and left two sons. The eldest son shot himself in his young age of 21 years. For his dead Mom and my dead half brother I took shoes too. For my most beloved little daughter, I took a little pair of red sandals, she would never have walked in her life, because her crippled legs can hardly support her walk in special made shoes. One pair of shoes Ramarshi asked me to choose for the German fascism -1933 to 1945. In the year 1942 as young officier father started his career in Paris, when he had finished his studies. In Paris he met my mother, who came there to work as typist for the Nazi army office. Just after school and some social groups (BDM Bund Deutscher Maiden) she had to travel from Danzig to Paris - totally overwhelmed from her strange new world. |
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| In these war years 1942 in Paris father was 37 years old, mother 22 years. The shoes, who represented this Nazi-Area, I choose light high healed red rose sandals imagining the walk of a cheap, fat ordinary whore. Grandfather and Grandmother started at the root line of the family tree. The dead first wife of father I placed behind a rolled up carpet, we had put aside, to give place for us four people in the constellation. My feelings: Ramarshi supported strongly the concept, that from Grandfathers roots the troubles in our family have started. I have adored this old man, living in peace with his wife in old age. Grandpapa mostly smiled and told his adventures from his four years in Africa and travels around the world like to Rio de Janeiro in the big Zeppelin. That was his duty as state employee and part of his career. |
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| Looking out of the room over the beauty of the lake Bodensee Grandmother, Mother and daughter stood on the right side. My little kids shoos in the middle between my father and Mom, my daughters feet between my mother and me. And left behind my side the fancy female shoes ornamented with shining, silvery stars represented the Ranch-Fascism. My suicide half brother stands left side from father outside, his dead mother far behind. Left behind the line the shoes represent the whore, which connect the German war fascism with fathers life. During the constellation and even afterwards I keep on to forget a last pair of shoes: the NEW man, a goal to evolve and to grow. A long way to walk out of the littlest shoes of all, my kid's shoes between my parents. |
Father 1943 |
It is hard to remember and to imagine this NEW man. More present are the shadows of two dead family members, of World War II and the German fascism. More present are the shadows of the ''taste of fascism'', Bhagwan gave us at Rajneeshpuram, Oregon, USA 1983 to 1985. More present for my caring life are the handicapped legs of my daughter. More present for me are the shadows, who have burdened my life with severe sicknessess. Sickness with one week of coma more closed to death February 1972 and slowly back to life - great part of my memory destroyed for ever. My left longue collapsed on father birthday 1983 first time. It has to be mentioned, that somehow father committed suicide too: we helped him to starve his body till death on 12th December 1997, the last six weeks of his life. And this final releaf to die he got by the support of a wise doctor. Before he just vegetated in a hospiz for two years after his third brain stroke. The medical care kept him alive with all food and drinks given through a tube inside his stomach. He always tried to tire out from his stomach this tube line to life, but he could not succeed. So we took him home finally to let him starve to death in peace. |
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| The little, lovely girl of mine with shining smile, the daughter by my side, gives me a key to hold on to my heart. Hold on to my heart, to my love, to my life, no matter how hard the taste of fascism from Bhagwan's Ranch, no matter how hard the shadows of German Nazi fascism has polluted my cells, has formed my muscles
armour. Most tried hard to fight to free our path as indivuals towards the NEW man. But my feet have been too little in those
times of Rajneeshpuram, 20 years ago, to walk in the pride, power, strength
and success of my ancestors in their times of war life. The work of Ramarshi gives strength to grow into the NEW man consciousness: Filled with love and understanding and without deadly serious sarcasm, rooted in the ascetic discipline and surrender to work in the careers of my ancestors. The female care in this family tree, Grandmother, Mother and my daughter too helps to squeeze out that juice from life - necessary to live, to love, to laugh. My sweet, little daughter with her crippled legs needs all my support. She needs my NEW man understanding, needs me growing in love, not to be burdened above all with our families facts: chains to death, suicide, sickness. |
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| Sw. Ramarshi praises Bhagwan as ambassador of the NEW man consciousness. Ramarshi gives from this space sentences for all family-members. We repeat his words playing
representing my family members. All his words root in his experience and fantasy, and his sense shows into a direction to heal. Standing in the shoes of my father's war fascism, Ramarshi asks: "How does this feel for the old fascism?" The old fascism doubts. Sarcastically this energy gives back: "About pray praising parrots old fascists don't care!" Not really surprised Ramarshi pays back: "We can't do miracles here. What is really sick, we can't heal in an hour. We only point in directions to life." |
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| The almost tears hurting pain I feel in the shoes of my father, standing between his new wife, my mother, and his dead first woman behind in one line with my dead half brother. An incredible torture in war times to survive burdened with shame, guilt, sickness, cruelty. Ramarshi tries his best, to convince the one and only solution to grow up from my childish bondage in the families chains toward the NEW man consciousness. Represented by Bhagwan - in Ramarhsi's concept. This is my part and responsibility finally to break through my destiny's anguish. This looks like a turn around in a dead road to suicide. This looks like healing, not to end in a death like my father, my half brother and his mother, but to break through to light love, joy, understanding and caring. This looks like caring and support for my little daughter girl too, so busy and successful in studies. And she admires her Grandfather too, my father, who had studied the same science of laws. I had admired my Grandfather, state employee to serve under differentGovernment Ministers without joining any political party. |
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| There is a price to pay for all and everything - I guess even for a goal, to
grow up to the NEW man consciousness. But what else to do in a situation like mine? Last doubtful question left: what does this mean, NEW man? The answer is simple. The NEW man is just the man right now, because the OLD has been gone the second before. Reading this a NEW man reads right now, because the OLD man is gone the second before. You have been unhappy to read all this OLD stuff? Now close this chapter and start the next second as NEW man alive! 31. Mai, 2003 - Bodensee |
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Officier
in Paris
