Sannyas

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Sun Aug 15, 2004  8:50 am
Hi n0by,

although you never really answer my questions in public, and only point to the cd of your website you've sent me the other day (which I haven't looked at yet, mea culpa!), I start to understand more about you and the 'Sangha'...

As far as I can see, you came to Osho (that time Bhagwan, a 'name' I never liked) not out of love (to yourself), but out of BELIEVE. And, as it usually is with BELIEVE, at some point of time the other side of the coin turns up, the DOUBT.And, with it, through the outside happenings, the frustration, followed by turning the back completely.


I start to understand more about you and the 'Sangha'...
You 'old guys' are the generation after Hitler. You've had the hard task of swimming free from the domination through dictators.  You are the generation of the hippies, the student revolution, and the 'make love, not war'- sexual revolution. 

You 'old people' went to Osho basically because of free sex, mostly coming from a background of having traveled through India, and having had lots of drug experiences.


mostly coming from a background of having traveled through India, 
And you 'old guys' had been presented a new dictator, this time in a female coat.  It was a FIRE TEST - as far as I can see.  It was the
deep cooking of all this old conditioning - of OBBEYing to an authority, out of BELIEVE.

It was a repetition of the 3rd Reich, a task for the revolutionaries to solve. It was a chance for you, a test for your awareness, and for the ability to stand up for yourself. 


And you 'old guys' had been presented a new dictator, this time in a female coat. 
Most of you guys 'failed' the fire test. You kept the old structures in a new face. You (most of the 'old guys were Germans) were unable to detect the first signs of dictatorship, until it was too late. Or maybe some of you did - but the call of the 'open whore house' and the feeling of being connected  in a group of similar feeling people kept you in the game.

It was YOU, who allowed the DICTATORSHIP of the 'BITCHES'! It was YOU who didn't stand up against  it, when it was still possible. It was YOU who didn't  REBELL, or at least left. IT was YOU who didn't read  the signs. And finally it was YOU whose BELIEVE was  completely schattered - and you left in disgust, and  still keep ranting and ranting.

You keep ranting against Osho, against Sannyas,  against Sannyasins - but actually you rant against  yourself. Because deep down you know that you  failed the test. And the hatred you put out whenever 
you only hear the word 'Osho' is a hatred for  yourself, n0by.

The test was GREAT! It was dividing the seed from  the crap. It was sorting the FOLLOWERS from  the SEEKERS. It was sorting those who went to  Poona just for the outside FUN and the FREE SEX 
from those with a deep yearning for LIBERATION.

n0by, Ramarshi is right: Something in you is dead. It has died together with you believe. But Ramarshi is also wrong: it is never too late. 


It was YOU, who allowed the DICTATORSHIP of the
'BITCHES'!
This inner flame is always burning, it is the very life essence. It can smolder, like it does right now - but  it can also burn up again. And it has no chance  anymore to burn up from turning to someone on the  outside, some MASTER to FOLLOW (some finger  pointing to the moon - excuse the cliché) - it can only  burn up when you turn back into yourself, into it directly.

I can already see your sarcastically smiling face,  n0bster. I saw it right in front of my face yesterday,  when we talked on the phone. I told you of my  gratitute to 'the grace of late birth' - I was too  young to get to Poona in the 70ties, and watching  from the outside in the 80ties too disgusted from  the Oregon happenings to ever consider to get into  this SECT of red-clothed, mala-wearing FOLLOWERS. 
I met Osho in 1987 - not by accident when travelling, not  through a greed for sex, and not for the yearning to  belong to some group, some chosen people who will change the world. I'd read a book - and for the first I'd found someone speaking out what I always felt  true, and what had, since childhood, made me feel an  alien in the world. And there was no yearning to get  to see the MASTER, to BECOME a SANNYASIN -  the very thought of 'following a master' was completely  out of question. I was a rebel, and belonging to some  group was an impossible idea for me.


I can already see your sarcastically smiling face,  n0bster. 
I met Osho on the inside a few weeks after the book -  a voice inside, a presence, some slight guidance only,  not opening doors for me, but basically pointing to the  thousands of doors I do not need to open. He was  whispering inside of me, for a few weeks only -  and it was never a call to follow him. It was a call  to follow myself, to turn back inside. At some point  of time I understood the 'work of the master' -  and I took Sannyas, in deep love. By mail, without  any celebration. And his voice inside me STOPPED.  And threw me just back to myself. No chance 
anymore to keep my focus on him.

My Sannyas is very different to yours, n0by.  It is a reminder only.

You've laughed when I told you that my son mistakes  Osho for his father. It was clear sign for you,  you've detected a believer in me, who conditiones  her child to be an Osho believer.


My Sannyas is very different to yours, n0by.  It is a reminder only.
I told you, and do it again here, where this mix-up comes from: Rishi doesn't know his father. He knows only pictures - a man with long hair, a beard, and brown, soft, 'indian' eyes (he has the same eyes). And also Osho has these eyes, and the beard and long hair. Last year, when visiting a friend with an indian husband, Rishi asked me if this guy was Osho.

And what is still left from Osho on the outside in our lifes is a few pictures, and every night, before going to sleep, a little mentioning of his name only, for me in gratitute to Osho who was a help for me to be now who and where I am.

And some more truth in Rishis mixing-up: he has no father. And he was conceived in deep love and surrender, through the beloved to the whole of life. And this is also my connection with Osho. It is true, in a way he is Oshos child. And just now I remember a vision I had in my very first night in Poona, 1988, which I never shared with anyone because it was just too absurd and contradictory to what I though could be true: for a few hours. I felt in deep embrace with Osho, and I conceived a child. I had taken it symbolically - my inner child, myself being reborn.

It just now brings big laughter...
... and this laughter I send to you, for an enchanting Sunday

Khaleela


I felt in deep embrace with Osho, and I conceived a child. 

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