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| Message 16272 of 16304 |
Wed Sep 8, 2004 6:04 pm |
| as for me, being "in love" has always been futile. having
been raised without parental love whatsoever took it's toll. maybe that's
why i have sought love wherever twas to be found. like chamomile growing
btwn cracks on sidewalks. like nasturtiums doing their OWN thing, and being
friends with slugs. like dandelions whose seeds drift in torrents upon the
winds. in catholic schools - where was love? in my heart. maybe that's why i spent every recess praying alone in the chapel. in appreciation from nuns. maybe that's why i was always THE highest scored academic - - the *scorned* - the GEEK... maybe that's why when i was abandoned by my "parents" in san francisco - to people who abhored dark people even children - i found it down on Haight Street in my little catholic schoolgirl uniform, me and my older galfriend carefully advising everyone on matters of health and hygiene. i would say that i found TRUE love sometimes - when i watched them fighting at riots that vanderwhite took me to many of. sometimes in the faces of the people i saw love but then many times they would be killed and only within an instant. i was maybe 9 years old. maybe that's why my interior sensitivities developed to such an extreme degree; seeking love. but wait - i was already BORN an artist - so what does it mean? i was already RAISED my whole childhood being told - "Valerie - you are just TOO SENSITIVE! you will NEVER survive in this world!" so what does it mean? maybe it is just the old credo: "don't get MAD - get even"? but what do i know? maybe that is why i must sojourned for years to the mountains because i found my love in Gaia. i am "in love" with Gaia. the TAO - the 'Holy SPirit'... the likes of cactus - water seeking it's own level. at least he is named 'cactus' and not 'valiant and strong' (another oxymoron). amelia mean 'hard worker' and she is a rose - another breed from my mother. we strive to make her a force for good. all that being said - i will truly share now my 'byzantine icon' attempt which now hangs aside my hiway thru the beating sun, the pouring rains and the whipoorwill winds. enjoy :-) (or don't - whatever...). love as i ken it, v |
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