Message
47146|
Message
47146 |
| okay, for the sake of inquiry, let us inspect these so
called "grotesque proportions". I arrived on NY eve, and when I arrived
there was Schopenhauer's 'On Women' essay open on the couch, which hans
wanted to discuss intermittently throughout the night. Schopenhauer 'On
Women' essay : On Women I had not yet read the essay, or would have gotten a "head's up". The fact that it is commonly used to reflect misogyny is demonstrated in the actual URL: http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html I have NO idea why someone would want to discuss an antiquated reflection on the worthlessness of women, from the 18th century, to a female guest first thing upon arriving, even to this day. At first it was just noticing the inability to complete a sentence w/o being interrupted & told what I was saying was NOT important, and then being told what WAS important. Also on NY eve after the topic of Schopenhauer's 'On Women" didn't fly, the next topic was world politics, in which I was made to understand that ALL Americans are responsible for the sins of their government, with no exceptions. Attempts to explain the stealing of the election by the administration at the time (Bushco) were interrupted and was again informed that ALL AMERICANS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SINS OF THEIR GOVERNMENT - NO EXCEPTIONS!!! (not even for an Alaskan "friend"). To hans' credit, once I finally mentioned that I did not wish to discuss world politics on New Year's eve, the topic was changed, & he soon left after fireworks. |
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| It was the next day when - under the guise of "showing
me Amsterdam" - & I found myself
being literally yelled at on crowded avenues over nothing that I could
see, & accused of every sort of
evil, which seemed to have no direct relationship to me, or my
experiences in life thus far, that
I actually felt UNsafe. In RL I can make almost anybody laugh, but soon
found that any humor only
incited frustration, anger & more accusations. It seemed to start when arriving at the 'A Sea' & waiting for a ferry, I was still real cheerful & making small talk, mentioned how over here in my town, we have to pay a ferry $5.00 just to get to the airport, was interrupted with "Nobody cares about that!!! All that is important is that the government here SHOULD give us free ferries, since they will not build a bridge!!!" This was the beginning of the RAGE part. |
 I can make almost anybody laugh, |
I was raised by Catholic nuns (& high society idiots) to be polite, & didn't mind that much all the interruptions up til then, figuring every sort of excuse for them. Even at the nice restaurant on the other side of the ferry route, was still making small talk pleasantries, which appeared to be most annoying to my "host". (For your edification hans - I noted when you got frustrated when it took too long for someone to take our order, you chose a young woman to go over & yell at. Then, even though we had had a male waiter for our service, you chose the same young woman to go & make another scene with, even though the young man' who had actually been our waiter was standing a few feet away. Maybe you didn't notice this, but I did. Where I come from we don't yell at restaurant personnel like that, no matter what gender.) He had put on his coat & made ready to leave, but when I took my cue & did the same, he put his stuff down, sat back again & asked, "Where are you going?Why are you in such a big hurry?" - crazy-making behavior, so I went outside & smoked. When I came back in he was up & ready to go again, & going ballistic about the check, because the supposed ferry we were to take was due in 5 minutes. Then when the ferry came, it wasn't even the right ferry, so we waited outside in the freezing winds. By then my nerves were shot, every word I uttered being taken wrong, interrupted, & used to try to pick a fight, so I became real quiet. |
 "Where are you going?Why are you in such a big hurry?" |
| It was on the other side when he asked if I
wanted to go to the top floor of the library to see the view, & I
replied, "Sure, whatever you want to do..." that he totally lost it &
began yelling at me in public. hans: "YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IT IS LIKE I
AM SEEING MY OWN CITY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FIVE YEARS, & YOU ARE THE
GUEST!!! AND YOU SAY, "WHATEVER *I* WANT TO DO!!! I ASKED YOU A
QUESTION!!!" We walked to the library and it was closed. On the
way he was yelling & yelling at me as we walked - one thing - "YOU
ARE NOT A QUIET PERSON!!! WHY ARE YOU BEING QUIET??? YOU ARE JUST
PLAYING A POWER GAME, AND WHEN YOU STAY QUIET - YOU WIN!!!" If this is all "grotesque proportions" hans, why were people turning & staring at us? And why did that one gal at the crosswalk light turn & yell back at you, "STOP FIGHTING!!!" - (to which you were off after her denying that you were fighting & claiming to be "just fine") - why? |
 why were people turning & staring at us |
| It was NOT my imagination - it was not
everybody else's imagination, and I am NOT twisting any facts or
exagerrating. I do not know why you would not even let me finish a
sentence that began, "Look, I cannot take this stress..." w/o you
interrupting and yelling, "YOU CAN TOO TAKE STRESS!!! LISTEN TO ME - YOU
ARE NOT COMMUNICATING BECAUSE...blablabla!!!" Next you tried to stop me
in the middle of a busy boulevard by grabbing my arm, so you could yell
at me, when I got away you grabbed me again in the middle of an ACTIVE
train track so you could yell more at me (not like you stopped yelling
in between), and finally in the middle of the crowded downtown station
you held my arm so you could yell all my myriad of sins right in my face
with people staring, & I could not get away. You had been shaking with
RAGE, & by then I was not sure you wouldn't strike me. It's all TRUE hans - for you to deny it and accuse me of exaggerating with "grotesque proportions" is a grievous LIE. The only one you are hurting by your ongoing denial is YOU. I am home & safe now, & still recovering. There were some moments when hans became nice - like after I managed to get the next bus back to London. Suddenly hans backed off & became friendly - wanted to know why I was leaving (duh)? And very concerned that I did not tell people in GR that he had asked me to leave. Then he seemed nice the rest of the day (to make a long story short). I even still have some photos of the "nice hans" in the cold sun. It's quite likely that this was no big deal to you, hans. And I was quiet & did not feed your rage, & then walked on eggs around you the rest of the "visit" so as not to incite you. I could care less about you not going to the vanGogh museum, or doing anymore sight-seeing with me, because I was already gone from there asap. And I am still not on GR because I could not contain myself NOT wanting to deal with you - *trying* to keep your dirty little secret & just EAT the whole thing. I was asked to share what happened on there, & I rewrote it & did not use my notes from the actual location, which were fraught with psychoanalysis. Sarlo showed his *true colors* & in the face of this trauma, decided to make an example of me, & did a big power-trip on me, THAT"S why I'm no longer there. Then everybody there was talking about me behind my back, & for awhile I was receiving forwarded digests from various people, so i READ all that high school bullshit. The crap that goes on & things said in GR is just some other level of artifice in the Dante's Inferno of yahoogroups who claim to be "spiritual", & mostly just immature bickering anyway. So no cut/pastes from those dialogues are gonna fly... save yerself. |
 accuse me of exaggerating with "grotesque proportions" is a grievous LIE. |
| You wanna be "friends someday" hans? Right -
then you reread my accountings above, admit that they are true, and
apologize. You can explain if you like, but do NOT just discredit them.
It is more to your advantage to look at my perception of your behavior
as being ASvalid as yours or anybody's, & not just stay in denial,
defensive, & sending nasty pictures & innuendos. I'm not hanging around & reading anyone's bullshit, except on the web, selectively. I will NOT get sucked into a "he said - she said" vacuum of subterfuge & bickering. It would help YOU immensely for you to apologize, hans. But first you have to admit the truth. I can't help my psyche being damaged, even 3 months later. Have had no time to process - is a "delayed reaction" and still can't make any sense out of your outrageous behaviors. I got back to London & became very ill with a flu thing & was sick the rest of my trip. Have no idea how much I missed elsewhere, or if I ever am to return there (UK). Am not reading most yahoogroups anymore, but trying to self-heal elsewhere, unless hans apologize or explain, or until enough time passes that it no longer hurts or matters to see his posts. Am not around for "small talk" - will return for a look-see eventually someday... ps (Bilbo - you are right - this IS really none of your business, no comments from peanut gallery r required, & no need for others to fight over it either.) |
 not just stay in denial, defensive, & sending nasty pictures & innuendos. |
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