Mother and Mima, two weeks before Mother's death - arranged by Hanns downunder
| My arduous way of self-exploration fills white
computer screens with thin lines of black letters. It’s my exciting way
to come closer home to myself. The purpose is obvious. These efforts are
needed to connect deeper with reality. My restless reality makes me shiver. Greece needs more than 100 Billions of Euro. Otherwise European finances are in danger to collapse. Price of gold, oil, food is increasing dramatically since years. The war- and finance-monsters bed that the time of paper money fails once again and destroys my expectations of an old age with some luxury, the money savings of my dead parents. My luxurious motor home is produced by Volkswagen. After months of research the Volkswagen customer care has managed to send a letter: “Your car left the factory as scrap metal. That is the reason why your car left the Volkswagen factory without vehicle documents.” |
 1st May with Mother's sister: 87 years old |
 Uli, my brother and me over the skyline Dortmund |
 Church in Bad Laer |
 It's hard to drive in the sun |
It is hard for me to drive my motor home, a truck of 3.5 tons, down the high way from south to north, six hundreds kilometres to the funeral celebration of my old Mom. My marvellous motor home is pretty warm in the winter. But without air conditioning it is real hard to drive in the first spring heat. A place for a cool bath is needed badly, when the sun burns down. The noise of engine and wheels tortures my sensitive body and nerves. The motor home “White Whale” drives 130 Kilometres/Hour and swallows 13 litre Diesel for 100 Kilometres. The price for one litre Diesel jumps up in levels of five cents – now near to 1.30 Euro/litre. Meanwhile millions barrels oil pollutes the Mexican Gulf. |
 My brother and his wife |
A place for a cool bath: Bad Arolsen - Twistesee
 Skyline Dortmund |
High prices don’t disturb us much anymore,
because Old Mom left money for my brother and me. But death is a serious
affair. Bureaucracy has to produce papers for “law-&-order”. We
have to ask the court for a certificate to get our heritage. You don’t
get anything anywhere anymore without certificate. You need a
certificate for your birth, your job, your marriage, your sickness, your
health, your driver license, your tax declaration, your death, your
heritage. The government charges for this certificate 0.4 per cent of
Mother’s money. My daughter had studied these sciences of laws to
organize these rules of living together. But daughter Esther is dead too
now since 23rd January 2009. Strange, how people in our life pass away.
Nevertheless life enriches us as survivors with next and more news. |
 We have to ask the court |
| The first sunny hours this spring heat up the
“White Whale” to 31 degrees Celsius. It needs some hours in the night
with three open skylights to bring fresh air again in the room, in the “belly
of White Whale”. The joy to write is like an ecstasy to feel myself in
the complexity of time and space. The world and local news float through
my mind system and bring up an atmosphere of helplessness. Words over
words are complaining my failure. Rarely my own system gets back to my
digested influences into my web sites. It is enough to see the pictures
again to dive in the emotions of time and space, where these events are
happening right now. It is the second visit in my brother’s home on a Thursday. One of these commercial TV stations broadcasts every Thursday the entertainment “Germany’s Next Top Model”. The wife of my brother meets with other women of the neighbourhood and her daughter-in-law to enjoy this competition of beautiful 18 years old girls for money, prestige and success. “It’s strange” – there is no way to avoid my provocations – “it’s strange” – my mockery hits the wife of my brother, who suffers since months from broken bones in her foot – “it’s strange, how a hobbling Grandmother enjoys giggling 18 years young women!” |
 Meeting on the way: Hymer motorhome from 1985 |
 "White Whale" - bringing the bed up? |
 Give me a break, a bear and a bath! |
| Hard rain showers after midnight on the
plastic-roof, the “skin of White Whale”. Like electrified my
body gets up, to close the three sky lights in the roof plus four
windows too. No sleep comes back one night after Mom’s funeral
celebration. My brother didn’t want a grave stone, didn’t want any
celebration at a grave. My brother had cared all these last years since
January 2008 for Mom. My brother lives only an half hour drive away from
Mom’s last home. 2008 death has collected first our gorgeous teacher Michael, Sangit Jivano, called Ka or “Living Kabir”. Silent in our group Atmo Rachiva Heiner followed, the Indian Swami Surendra, my beloved cute, hard-working and successful daughter Esther, Mima’s mother and father – now my old Mom – all are dead. Who’s next? |
 Who's next? |
 Tractor still working |
| My brother has cared for my old Mom in her last
years with deep devotion. So it felt best to let my younger brother
decide how to end his times of care for the roots of life, Mother and
Father. The family tree of my younger brother continues with his grandson, a wonderful young man of 18 months only, curious exploring this world of wonders, miracles, joy and suffering too. In this sleepless night hours pass by. Precious silence changes with some soft sound. Rain drops stroke the “White Whale’s skin-roof”. The fridge works with electricity from the camping place. This place is five minutes away from my brother’s home. The fridge provides cool beer, cheese and mustard. Slowly, slowly body and nerves start to relax again. Hopefully some hours of sleep rejuvenate my old machine of mystery carrying mind, muscles, bones and belly for 62 years and some more months of mine. My life like yours on this one and only Mother Earth is polluted by million barrels floating from the sea ground into the Mexican Sea. Days pass by like a hurricane. Friday my way brings me from Dortmund to Muenster, where our family lived from 1956 to 1962. My friend Harald starts a loud quarrel in a pub, because he feels hurt by my “bad behaviour”. It was not possible for me to listen to his eloquent stories in a professional therapeutic caring. Harald felt disrespect by my “bad behaviour”, interrupting his “teachings” by taking some pictures. Harald’s shouting is boring. So Harald is left alone in a pub. As my last support Harald gets his food and beer delivered in his home. But again a connection to a friend of mine is deeply broken. |
 Harald gets his food and beer delivered in his home. |
| The swimming pool with salty warm thermal
waters opens 1st May. “White Whale” stands in front of the pool, where
people celebrate a disco party this Saturday night. The sound of the
disco music disturbs my sleep several times. But very early my body
wakes up, wants his breakfast. At 7.00 a.m. my first bath in an open air
public pool begins. But the air is very cold: only eight degrees
Celsius. My body was never freezing in such a way this year! Running from the hot shower in the salty warm waters a man mocks about my behaviour: “Shivering! Shivering!” “Cold! Cold”, comes my complaining back. “Work yourself warm!” answers the German Credo of effective problems solution. |
 "Cold, cold" - Bad Laer on 1st May Morning |
 Mima is selling asparagus in Munich at home - but doesn't complain |
After this bath the meeting with
Mom’s younger sister brings back to Mom’s memorial. The old Lady, a
retired teacher, is 87 years old. She still manages her life on her own
in a happy way. We walk in the sunny spring time in the green forest,
celebrate an opulent dinner. And again “White Whale” drives 320
Kilometres to the Bavarian Bad Brueckenau, a place next to the Thermal
Bath with electricity for my rolling home. The fresh leaves in the forest, the singing birds, our caring Mother Nature in this blessed Bavarian Country rejuvenates body and mind. In a short happy hour the next world famous Thermal Bath Kissingen will clean body, mind – maybe even soul (when there is something like that) – in beautiful relaxing hours. My woman Mimamai at home sells asparagus again, Saturday and some hours on Sunday too. But Mimamai doesn’t complain. But my body, nerves, muscles complain badly: 1596 Kilometres, 219 litre Diesel for 271 Euro – 13,72 litre/100 Kilometres and four nights in the car, that was too much! |
 With 87years old Aunt: We celebrate an opulent dinner |
 But my body, nerves, muscles complain badly: |
 1596 Kilometres, 219 litre Diesel for 271 Euro – 13,72 litre/100 Kilometress, four nights in the car |